


the kind of beauty i dream of

by seaunicorn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25343116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaunicorn/pseuds/seaunicorn
Summary: “Do you have a crush on Beau?!” The words burst from Jester like water breaking through a dam.Yasha frowned for a moment. “What is a crush?”Yasha and Jester take watch together (post-episode 102)
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 17
Kudos: 359





	the kind of beauty i dream of

**Author's Note:**

> Yasha’s got it bad for Beau and you can’t convince me otherwise. After the new episode my brain went feral and churned this out. Enjoy!

Flying was the most freeing feeling in the world, Yasha thought as her wings carried her across the dark sky, unfurling to catch the wind just right. She glided with the breeze, descending slowly until she touched down on the ground right next to a lake.

The feathery white wings curled into her and Yasha took one last look at them over her shoulder before they faded away.

She turned her attention to the lake in front of her; the moon was high in the sky, casting a reflective glow across the water. She peered into the dark depths, catching sight of her reflection. Pale skin, heterochromatic eyes, pure white hair—

“Yasha.”

Yasha startled awake, instinctively gripping the Magician’s Judge next to her and glancing over at Beau. She was still asleep, still fine. She let out a quick breath as the nerves of suddenly being awoken from her slumber eased. Her eyes flitted upward at whoever had shaken her awake.

Caleb was bent over where Yasha slept, his messy orange hair falling over his face. “Yasha?” he said again.

Yasha blinked a few times. “I’m awake.” She sat upright and stretched out. “My watch?”

“Ja,” Caleb said. “Veth is waking Jester now as well.”

“All right,” Yasha said with a quick nod. She stood to her feet and stretched her arms some more, then picked up the Magician’s Judge from where it laid next to her. “Get some sleep, Caleb.”

When Yasha turned around, Caleb was already lying facedown on his bedroll, eyes closed. He gave a thumbs up without looking up.

Yasha chuckled softly and moved away from the group. She sat down next to the dying embers of the campfire and pulled out her book. She opened to the most recent page and traced the flower she had pressed inside. She had only managed to pick one flower from the island so far, despite the wild plethora of flora that existed. Yasha wanted one of every single kind of flower she could find here, but if she was being honest, she was a little scared to try again after that weird compulsion to eat one of them. She sighed.

“That’s a very pretty flower,” Jester’s voice sounded over Yasha’s shoulder. Yasha was not startled. She looked up and smiled softly.

“Yes,” Yasha agreed. “It is quite beautiful.”

Jester skipped behind her and sat down next to her. “I have something for you,” she said quickly, barely able to contain her excitement.

Yasha tilted her head, curious. “You do?”

Jester nodded vigorously, then reached into her haversack and retrieved her sketchbook. She flipped through the pages, then carefully began to tear one of them out. Once the sheet of paper was free, she handed it to Yasha.

Yasha was very confused, but reached out for the paper. She turned it over in her hands and felt the intense thud of her heartbeat as it echoed in her chest. On the sheet of paper was a drawing, not quite as crude as Jester’s usual style, but a simple graphite sketchof Yasha holding Beau in her arms. Yasha had her cradled and Beau’s arms were draped around Yasha’s neck, eyes closed, head resting on her chest, a depiction of them just a few short hours ago. Yasha swallowed.

“This is for me?”

Jester nodded again. “Of course, silly!” She said. “I didn’t even put any hidden dicks in it!” She hesitated. “Well, I did but there’s only three of them which is  _ way  _ less than I usually add.”

Yasha chuckled softly. “Thank you, Jester,” she muttered. “It’s lovely.”

The picture Jester handed her was a bit smaller than her own book, so Yasha slipped the drawing between the pages, gave it one last glance over, then closed her book. It would be safe there, and maybe she could look at it again the next time she was up late, alone and lonely.

Yasha said nothing else, a little nervous under Jester’s watchful eye. Jester tapped her fingers, as if she were bursting with energy, like there was something she wanted to say at the tip of her tongue, but she was holding back.

At least, she tried to hold back.

“You know, Yasha, if there’s anything you need to talk about,” she said,  _ “anyone _ you need to talk about? You can tell me. That’s what friends are for.”

Yasha held her breath. She knew what Jester was implying, of course. Jester was quite perceptive and as much as Yasha never liked to showcase her feelings, she was also terrible at concealing them. However, Yasha wasn’t quite sure if she had the courage to say it herself. “Is there something you would like to ask me, Jester?”

Yasha glanced to her left. Jester had one arm wrapped around her legs, clutching them tightly against her chest. The other hand was balled up in a fist, pressed against her lips as she still hesitated to say anything. Yasha almost wanted to laugh at her friend, struggling to contain her curiosity like an eager, gossiping school girl. She nodded, answering Jester’s silent plea, and opened the floodgates.

“Do you have a crush on Beau?!” The words burst from Jester like water breaking through a dam.

Yasha frowned for a moment. “What is a crush?”

Jester’s face fell. “Ah, shit.” She thought for a moment then said, “A crush is when... when you really, really like someone and you want to kiss them and hold their hand and you think about them all the time.”

Yasha blinked, the meaning slowly dawning on her. “Are—are you asking me if I have  _ feelings _ for Beau?”

“Yes, exactly!” Jester nodded, her fanged teeth poking out in her wide, toothy grin. “Do you?”

Yasha pursed her lip, words suddenly failing her. She had never been very good with words anyway. She looked down at her lap, nervously twiddling her thumbs. She closed her eyes and slowly nodded.

The squeal Jester let out was so high pitched it sounded like something only dogs could hear. Yasha worriedly glanced over at their companions, relieved to find they were still sleeping soundly. She glanced over at Jester who whispered a quick, “Sorry!” when she saw Yasha’s panic.

Jester scooted a little closer until she was shoulder to shoulder with Yasha. When she spoke next her voice was in an excited, hushed whisper, as if they were sharing secrets at a sleepover. It was sort of like that, Yasha supposed. She had never really had friends before she met Molly and the Mighty Nein. Jester was always a good friend to her.

“So...” Jester prompted. “What do you like about her?”

Yasha pondered for a moment. What didn’t she like about Beau? Everything about her was a charming mystery that filled Yasha’s heart with wonder and joy and hope and— that probably wasn’t the answer Jester was looking for, though. And Yasha still wasn’t quite sure how she would even express all that out loud. She pondered, struggling to find a simple way to articulate her feelings.

Jester was patient as Yasha thought. She hummed a gentle tune under her breath that helped ease Yasha’s nerves and calm her mind so that her thoughts were easier to sift through until finally she found the words she needed.

Yasha cleared her throat. “Her spirit, I think,” she muttered. “Beau has this... fire inside of her and you can see it in everything she does. The way she gets excited over her research, the way she puts every single one of us before herself, the way that, no matter how many times she gets knocked down in a fight, she gets right back up. It’s... beautiful.” The corner of Yasha’s lips turned up in a wistful smile and her cheeks flushed as she spoke. She stared at the glowing embers in front of her, thinking of the warmth Beau brought to everything she touched.

Jester was quiet for a moment, but she elbowed Yasha gently in the side to get her attention. When Yasha looked up, her toothy grin was gone, replaced with a soft, understanding smile. “You must have a really big crush on her, don’t you?”

Yasha frowned. “Really... big?”

“Sorry!” Jester said quickly. “Um, you have really strong feelings for her.”

“I don’t know,” Yasha sighed. “That still feels like an understatement, you know?” Jester nodded, encouraging.

It was weird. Yasha didn’t like to talk about herself. She kept things in neat little boxes inside her head, stowed them away and only took them out when she was truly alone. But now, Yasha found herself wanting to share everything that had been on her mind the last few weeks.

“I just—I haven’t felt like this in a very long time,” Yasha said. Her voice was quiet and she looked down at her lap, afraid that if she saw Jester’s curious eyes she would lose all her courage. “I didn’t think I could feel like this again. I didn’t  _ want _ to feel like this again. But I think I’ve finally come to see that  _ this _ isn’t a bad thing. It’s good and it’s beautiful and if it’s what makes me happy, I shouldn’t—“ Yasha cut herself off. She lost track of what she was trying to say. She didn’t know how to express... Why were words always so damn hard for her?

“What is?” Jester’s question gave her one last push toward the word that had been looming in Yasha’s mind, the word she hadn’t dared speak, or even let herself think, the word that now fell from her lips.

“I think I might be in love with her,” Yasha whispered.

She let out a deep breath, the tension and stress that had built up over weeks leaving her body with her confession. Saying it out loud made it more real, but it also was a relief to not be carrying the weight of it around inside her brain all the time. Regardless of how Beau felt, she had this.

Jester’s arm moved over Yasha’s shoulder, holding her close in a side hug made slightly awkward due to their difference in height. “For what it’s worth,” Jester started, “Beau would be really lucky to have someone like you.”

Yasha turned to look at Jester and smiled. She turned slightly to face her and returned her hug from the front, wrapping both arms around Jester’s back and holding her. It was still a bit awkward, since they were both sitting, but Jester threw her other arm over Yasha’s shoulder and hugged her tight in a warm embrace.

“Thank you, Jester,” Yasha said quietly into the silk of her green cloak. “I-I never had many friends, but you have been a very good friend.”

They hugged tightly for a few more moments, until Jester asked, “If you and Beau get married, can I officiate the wedding?”

Yasha froze, confused, and pulled away. The wide, amused grin on Jester’s face was enough to get rid of Yasha’s tension. She let out a bark of quiet laughter, then quickly covered her mouth and glanced over at their friends once again.

Still snoozing.

Yasha looked to Jester once again, still smiling. Jester said nothing else but she gave Yasha a playful wink. Yasha grinned even wider, her heart suddenly feeling light for the first time she can remember in a very long time.

The rest of their watch was quiet and uneventful. Jester had opened her sketchbook and started to doodle Vilya in a cartoonish style, transforming into an owl. Yasha was thankful for the silence. She retrieved her harp and began to strum lightly at the strings, careful to stay quiet and not play anything too jarring that it would wake the others.

Yasha was getting better. She felt her skill growing and she felt more comfortable with the instrument in her hands each time she played. She still wasn’t good by any means, but she wasn’t bad either, and that was enough for her.

The hours of their watch passed quickly once Yasha’s attention was focused on her harp, and before she knew it, Jester nudged her shoulder gently.

“I’ll wake Fjord. Can you wake Beau?”

Yasha swallowed. “Yes,” she said.

She quickly put away her harp and walked over to where Beau slept. Yasha knelt down next to her and gently prodded her shoulder a few times. Beau didn’t budge.

She prodded a little harder and suddenly Beau’s fist came instinctively flying at her face. Yasha caught it in her hand before it hit her and lowered it. Beau finally stirred awake.

“Sorry about that,” Beau muttered, groggy.

“It’s all right,” Yasha said. “Last watch is yours. How are you feeling?”

“Little better after a full rest.” Beau sat up slowly, then glanced to where Yasha still held her loose fist in her hand. She hesitated a moment, then cleared her throat and pulled away. Yasha blushed. “Um, thanks again,” Beau muttered. “You know, for looking out for me yesterday. I, uh— I appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Yasha whispered. “Happy to help.”

Beau’s deep blue eyes lingered on hers for a moment. There was something deep inside them that always drew Yasha to her. She froze, not wanting to move or breathe and end the moment. Then, Beau looked away. Yasha might have imagined the faint color on her cheeks as she pushed herself off the ground and stood to her feet. She offered Yasha a tired smile as she rubbed the back of her neck and walked toward the fire.

“Night, Yasha.”

Yasha returned to her bedroll and laid on her back, staring up at the gray, translucent ceiling of the dome and the roof of the cave beyond that. She sighed and closed her eyes, willing herself back to sleep for another few hours.

Her dreams were filled with cobalt blue.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to follow me on tumblr and yell about beauyasha @elliesgaymachete
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


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